He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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