i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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