guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
