remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
