Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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