You don't have asthma, your pregnant
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize