Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
