dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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