A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He felt like a one man threesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
