the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
