toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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