If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
