I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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