tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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