I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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