So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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