I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We need to rekindle our bromance
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
