I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
