Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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