He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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