Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
