Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My feet surprised me
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