Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
