Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
