Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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