apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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