I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
