happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
