Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
