singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
