No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
