Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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