I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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