you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
