Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
