i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
