How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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