new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
