So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
