No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
