Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
