Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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