just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize