I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
