Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
