You just made me feel so damn special
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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