I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
