whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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