I just pynch a tree in the face
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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