I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
