I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
