my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
