Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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