It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wear drunk well.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
