I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
