Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
