end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
