got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
