there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
