I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
