I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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