In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
