there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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