Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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