I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
