Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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