I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize