i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
