so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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