He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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