Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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