My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
