I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
